Do the Needful

Indian English speakers often use a delightful turn of phrase, to "do the needful".  To do the needful is to accomplish whatever needs to be accomplished, fulfill whatever task needs to be fulfilled.  Your correspondent unfailingly reads this phrase as though "the needful" were a euphemism. I think you'll agree that running into those words in formal business communications would put a smile on any American's face.

Now let me tell you about the process of obtaining a SIM card in India.  A SIM card, for those who don't know, is the chip you need to insert into a mobile phone handset for the phone to attach itself to a network and begin sending or receiving calls.  Apparently, these are a huge security issue, because in the past few days I have done the following:

First, I had a personal interview with a representative from the cell phone company.  He had to meet me in person so that I could fill out several forms.  Passport photos were attached to each one of these forms, along with a notarized letter from my company vouching for my current employment.

Then, several photocopies of my passport, my visa, and this verification letter were made and distributed to certain parties at my office and place of residence.  I had to ask these parties to be available for an "agent", who would stop by later in the week to collect the photocopies and again verify my employment and/or residence.  How many pictures of my passport are floating around right now?  Who is this agent?  Who knows.

The final straw came as I was sitting at work today, calmly checking a manuscript.  I received a phone call to my business landline from a gentleman who who began asking me very personal questions in a heavy accent.  What is my name? What is my father's name? What is my address?  Have I provided a copy of my passport and visa?  It took me a moment to realize that he was also from the phone company, further verifying my identity.  Thinking it was a sign that my cell phone service would soon be activated, I waited a few hours and then tried to make a call.  The best part is?  Still no signal.

It just leads me to ask: is this really needful?